Thursday, October 6, 2016

The Sanders Identity

Thanks to Ben Sherman [link] for this:

Early on in the USSR, the best scientists were put to work creating an immortality elixir. The first to try the serum was Lenin, but unfortunately he died from an unforeseen side effect. After modifications, the second to take the elixir was Stalin. He was not made immortal, but mutated into a monstrous shell of his former self, consumed by paranoia and mad with power. A final mixture was produced, and taken by Trotsky. Before testing could be completed, Stalin had already exiled Trotsky, fearing that if he was immortal he would become a threat. Little did he know, the third serum worked. But as Trotsky evaded death in North America countless times, he knew he needed a way to put an end to Stalin's assassination attempts, a way to bide his time, gather resources and await the perfect moment to unleash the permanent revolution, all the while blending into capitalist America seamlessly. Three years after the supposed death of Leon Trotsky, a certain colonel Sanders, bearing a striking resemblance to him, perfected his chicken recipe (eleven herbs and spices a deliberate reference to the crucial point 11 in Engels's "Principles of Communism"). It was the perfect cover, he only had to wait until the American people were ready for a revolution. He opened a restaurant in Corbin, KY, during the Great Depression, feeding the beleaguered coal miners of Eastern Kentucky both chicken and communist ideals. "Bloody Harlan" was an experiment, testing the waters. But although the strikes accomplished a lot, the time wasn't yet right for permanent communist revolution. He bided his time, spread his chicken influence all over the world. Three years after the death of "Colonel Sanders," a certain socialist named "Sanders" was elected mayor of Burlington, Vermont...

This is crying out for one more connection — to the fact that Winnie-the- Pooh lived in the Hundred-Acre Wood under the name of Sanders. I can't figure out how to segue into that without going over the top. Suggestions?
P. S. If you skeptics doubt any of this, note that Trotsky's actual birth name was "Bronstein," which translates into "brown stone." And, if you'll look at a typical handful of "sand," as in "Sanders," you'll note that sand is typically a lot of tiny brown stones....


  1. Obvously, Sanders is a cyborg clone of:

  2. So many degrees of separation ...