I first started feeling a bit beyond my early youth back in 1993, when I officially became older than the President of the United States with the accession of Slick Willy. Not much older, I hasten to assure you — Actually, exactly two months. But I didn't feel too old. After all, some US Presidents have been famous for their youth and vigor — JFK, of course, and TR, and yes, Slick Willy. Anyhow, I thought it was a quirk of fate, and expected to be younger than the Prez with the next election, when Bob Dole, old enough to be my father, ran. Didn't work. Well, then we had the 2000 election, and both the SOB's were younger than me. In 2004, I had hopes of being young again if Kerry were elected, but not enough to vote for the clown. In 2008 I thought sure the crazy old White guy would prevail, and I could be a kid again. But no soap. And of course last time it didn't matter, because Mitt and Barack are both young punks compared to me. So I give up. I'll never be younger than the President again, unless Crazy old Joe talks Barack into early retirement and ends up with the office. But I still have hopes of remaining younger than the Pope. So if any cardinals are reading this, please remember how important maturity is to the office! Pick one of the guys older than 66! Please! I really need this, guys, and I'll tell you why. If the Queen pegs off, which she will do any time now, I'm going to be older than the bleedin' King of England. What a fate. It's time for my nap.